Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart to broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

dienstag

so am dienstag, evan kommt weider nach deutschland. 
ich bin sehr aufgeregt! es ist ein kommisch gefuell. 
wie wuerde es sein?
ich habe wirklich keine ahnung... aber ich hoffe nicht schlecht. 
ich glaube dass ich nur 78 tage noch in deutschland habe.
ich habe heute dieses foto gemacht...fuer ein besonder person...wem ich ganz doll liebe. 
und ich weiss dass er auf mich wartet. 
heute ich habe ihm gefragt ob er hier nach deutschland fliegen werde, zu mir besuchen und so und vielleicht silvester mit mir feiren. aber weiss du was er geschreiben hat? das er weiss nicht wegen arbeit und so. dann ich fullte wenn er mich WIRKLICH liebt, dann er werde hier fuer mich kommen...was muss ich von das denken? was bin ich zu ihm? wenn ich ihm war, natuerlich wuerde ich nach wohin fliegen...ich finde ihm "my all" und will alles mit ihm haben...aber vielleicht dass ist nur mein entscheidung....

4 Landern in nur 2 Wochen.

Well I feel like I've been around the world and back!
And it's been great.
I was in Denmark, last week staying with my BEST FRIEND Miss Sofie Korn and her family. It was so great being with her in her home. I mean, we haven't seen eachother since 24th January when I left Australia. When we met again at the airport in Copenhagen, she had tears in her eyes, and in a way I felt like I was at home again. A friend said to me this week, it is not the place that makes a home a home, it is the people who you love and spend your life with that make it home. And I believe that is so true. It was my first time in Denmark, but it felt like I'd been there my whole life.
I met her family, Grandma and all. We went to a Beatles Musical which was excellent, a photography exhibition, LOTS of shopping and just relaxing- which was great for a change! I've started knitting, and really enjoying it!
Jack (another exchange student from my Rotary District back in Australia, who is this year on exchange in Sweden) was also visitng Sofie at the same time, so it was really nice to catch up with him too.

Me, Jack and Sofie

I arrived back last Thursday to Germany and Friday morning at 4am I left with Larissa and my host family to the most Westerly town in Germany, Trier, which is on the border of Luxembourg. We stayed with some school friends of my host mum and we did day trips to France (Metz- a beautiful city) and then to Luxembourg and as well in Trier itself. We arrived back here to Strausberg on Tuesday night.
Wednesday at the last minute, I got a ticket to go to the 'A-ha' concert in Berlin with my host parents, as they had a spareticket. I think I was about the youngest person there, but I had a great time!! I was singing and dancing with all the Germans in my seat- this concert felt like a new religion of people- cheering and screaming and happiness! It was amazing to see!
Ben came over yesterday for a visit! We went to the lake and chilled and ate cake :) It was so nice to see him again!
My holiday break is almost over- but I'm off to Paris NEXT THURSDAY on an exchnage student trip! I'm meeting with my aunty, uncle and cousin in Paris, probably for a coffee or something! But I think it will be great!
My time here is running out- less than 80 days to go. Then I'll be back in Australia with family, friends and the hot Australian sun!
But I'm sad to leave a lot of things in Germany too---like my school friends, my exchange students friends...a different life.
But it's just like Nelly Furtado says in her song, 'All good things come to an end...'

Ich war in den Pilze.

So today, I went with my host parents and host sister in the German forest to look for MUSHROOMS- the eating variety!
Last  night the weather was rainy, so apparently this is perfect for finding mushrooms.
We left home at about 10.30am and were gone for 3 hours. We collected so many. There are some that we didn't take, obviously because you can DIE when you eat them, but the ones we were looking for were brown on the top and yellow and spongy underneath. We got buckets of them!
Then we came home and cleaned them all and ate them for lunch with potato. It was so nice to be able to find my own lunch! I felt proud.
Ich war Stolz auf mich!
I have my first big school test tomorrow- 2 hours of Art. I've studied a little bit but I'm just going to do what I can. We have to analyse photographs of portaits. How hard can that be...in GERMAN???
Denmark--- THURSDAY! I'm really looking forward to it.
Not much else to report.
3 months and 3 days away...
K xxx

Ich wohne in zwei Landern.

Heute, ist meine Cousine aus Australien zurück nach Italien geflogen. Ich war am Flughafen um 6 Uhr! Ganz früh! Aber dieser Zeit, dass wir zusammen hier in Deutschland hätten, hat mir sehr gefällen.
Ich vermisse so viel. Ich will Andrew sehen. Und mit ihm zusammen sein. Das ist alles was ich denken kann. Wirklich. 
Ich will mit Ben treffen- es ist über 1 Woche seit unserer letztes treffen! TRAUIG!
Schule ist ok--war nicht so oft dieses Woche da, weil meine Cousine hier warst!
Ich höre gerade Musik- und denke über mein Leben.
Wollte mein Leben anders sein, wenn ich kein Austauschjahr gemacht hätte? Wer wollte ich, als ein Person sein? 
Ich LIEBE was ich hier in Deutschland habe. Aber ich will ihm haben...für mein Leben. Ich will zurück zu ihm gehen. Weil ich weiß wie große sein Liebe für mir ist. Und das ist wunderschön!
Ich bin zu komplizert. Aber alles ist ok. Alles ist super. Ich wohne in zwei Landern. Und ich habe zwei Heimen.
Ich vermisse wer ich war. Ich war schlank und so so glücklich...

Today my cousin left to fly back to Italy. I was at the airport to farewell her at 6am- VERY early! But this time that we had together in Germany really made me happy.
I miss so much. I want to see Andrew.
I need to see Ben- we haven't met for over a week now- SAD!! :(
School was good this week- I wasn't there so often, because my cousin was here.
I'm listening to music now and thinking about my life.
'Would my life be different if I didn't complete a year as an exchange student?'
'Who would I be as a person?'
I love what I have here in Germany. But I want to have 'him' back. I want to go back to 'him'. Because I know just how much he loves me. And this is amazing!
I'm too complicated. But everything is ok.Everything is super. I live in 2 countries and I have two homes.
I miss what I was. I was beautiful and so so happy...

to London and back...

so- LONDON was amazing! i LOVED it! and we had so much freedom and freetime on the trip- it was great. I loved spending more time with my German friends while exploring a new city! Saw all the main monuments- BIG BEN, LONDON EYE, red buses and telephone booths, fell in love with OXFORD STREET.
all in all it was one of the most enjoyable things ive done on my exchange.

i miss home. ive been feeling really mixed up this last week .my cousin from australia is staying here with me in germany at the moment, im really enjoying spending this time with her. im ready to go home, but im sad to leave my friends and the wonderful parts of my life that i have here. home is calling...

'...augen zu und 'ihm' dabei.'

Ich sitze gerade in der Schule von meine Gastschwester, Betty. 
Heute, ich hätte nur 2 Stunden Englisch in meine Schule, so ich habe Betty gefragt, ob ich heute mitkommen zu ohrer Schule könnte...und ja- bin ich jetzt hier.
Die Stundenplan ist total anders zu was ich in meine Schule habe. z.B. Heute, hatten wir;

DEUTSCH
DEUTSCH
---------------
FREI STUNDEN
MATHE
SPORT (THEORIE)
--------------
GESCHICHTE
BIOLOGIE

Meine Gastschwester ist anders hier in der Schule, als sie zu Hause ist. Sie ist mehr witzig und lustig...und anders.
Am Wochenende war ich bei ein Schulparty von Bettys Schule. Ich kenne ein paar Leute von ihrer Schule- auch von meine erste Woche hier in Deutschland.
Am Wochenende, hab ich viel getanzt mit 2 Jungs. Und mit ein; wir schreiben jetzt oft bei 'JAPPY' . Ich finde ihm nett. Höffentlich wir können chillen nach der Schule, weil er ziemlich in der Nähe von mir wohnt.
Heute ich will auch SPORT machen. Ich füllte, dass ich jetzt besser aussieht. 
Gesternabend, ich habe mit Andrew telephoniert. Ich denke alles mit uns ist jetzt gut--ich vermisse ihm...wirklich.
Morgen ich habe 2 Tests in der Schule- Ich will Biologie (über GENETIK) probiern aber mein Deutsch test...Ich denke dass ich schaff das nicht, weil ich das Buch nicht gelesen habe!! :S
AHH..ich füllte kommisch... 
Ich will tanzen, und liegen im Grass mit die Sonne auf mein Gesichte- augen zu und 'ihm' dabei. WIRKLICH. Ich will dieses Bild mählen.
 .........................................................
So, got my German scribble out of the way. Last night was also good- met with Cathie and then we were at her ex-boyfriend Tom's house-he is so lovely! And then Simon came...I haven't seen him for awhile. But he's leaving soon for the ARMY; 1. October down south near Munich. So I think that will be the last time we'll meet for awhile. But he says he'll be back everyweekend...he better be! He and Tom promised we'd still go to FRITZ CLUB in Berlin for my birthday--- I'm still waiting!! haha
I'VE PACKED MY SUITCASE!!- well, 3/4 of it! Only underwear left to go! I'm starting to get a little excited about it! Tomorrow we have to leave my house at like 6am...bahh!
Tonight I'm off to the INBOUND EXCHANGE STUDENT WEEKEND- 2 hours away on the other side of Berlin. I'm excited about  meeting the new ones..and corrupting them!! haha...Not really; Iwant to be a rolemodel for them because a lot of times here, I felt like I had no one.
Enough of me talking, or typing!!
I probably won't be on for a few days as I'll be in LONDON. But as soon as I get home, I PROMISE to update!
Hab euch ganz doll lieb!
die K
xxx

I love Polaroid pictures at the moment! :) 

'I miss you much. You are the apple of my eye. I miss you much.'

'You would have said 'I LOVE YOU', in the cutest place on Earth, where some little guys are dancing with the Faries...'

'I GOT BRUISES ON MY KNEES FOR YOU AND GRASS STAINS ON MY KNEES FOR YOU; GOT HOLES IN MY NEW JEANS FOR YOU: GOT PINK AND BLACK AND BLUE.'

 

 

fahrrad fahren und rauchen.

heute, bin ich am see in strausberg fahrrad fahren. ich habe über viel gedacht. 
ich bin sehr aufgeregt. EVAN KOMMT ZURÜCK. das ist unglaublich! ich bin sprachlos!! SEXY EVAN! ich habe mit ihm telefoniern. und das war, als er schon in berlin warst. haha. ich weiß nicht was ich füllte.

SCHULE SCHULE SCHULE... ja war ok. aber jeden tag es ist die gleiche. 

I need to pack for LONDON---leaving on Saturday morning, and gone until Wednesday night. The class trips here are INSANE! REALLY!!
What else is new?!
Oh my DREAM last night. It was so random...I was back in Australia, and for some reason, I was learning Portuguese. With my old German teacher. I don't know why because I want to study SPANISH and GERMAN when I go back home. Maybe it's a sign...
I'm about to head off to C&A- to buy a GERMAN COSTUME, 'dirndl' as OKTOBERFEST is coming! I know its mainly from the Bavarian Reigon and that I live in Berlin, but I am still in GERMANY! ;)
Tschüßchen 
x 

Chapter 1- The beginning.

kate.
19.
daughter to amazing parents.
sister to a brother.
australian born and bred, but currently COMPLETELY stepping out of my comfort-zone.
EXCHANGE STUDENT- Rotary Youth Exchange Program 2009/2010 in Berlin, Distrikt 1940, Germany.
new culture, language and life.
my year of new experiences is drawing to an end- i have just 4 more months here.
im scared of what my new life in australia holds.
and im scared of wasting the few days i have left here in Deutschland.
i feel like i have changed as a person- of course for the better.
but i still doubt myself. and feel as though im not good enough. that i'll never be good enough.
i wish that life was just like a fairytale- life begins as 'ONCE UPON A TIME' and then ends up with a ...'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'. but i guess then life would be too planned out. in australia, i felt like i was 'that girl'. i was rarely spontaneous.
i was reading BEN'S Blog last night and he's just started his exchange year. and so many of the things he wrote about, i can really identify with them. i mean, i was so excited to begin this year- new opportunities, freedom and the chance to start fresh- to wipe the slate clean. yes, i have made mistakes. but i feel like the people i've had the pleasure to meet in these last 8 months, know me as a completely different person; from that young naive girl that boarded a plane in Sydney Airport, AUSTRALIA on the 24th of January. i felt that the world was at my feet and that i could handle everything, but the truth is, i can't. i still need my mummy's cuddles. and my dad's words of advice. i need the comfort of knowing that at the end of the day, my family and friends will love me; the people who have watched me grow over the past 19 years of my life. to express what i feel in english is one thing, but trying to do that in german- a culture and a language that does not show so much emotion is a totally different story.
i've had days where i've really wanted to throw the towel in. where i've cried myself to sleep at night and question, 'WHY THE HELL DID YOU WANT TO DO THIS?' but like my mum always says, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger and that we all have to search for that little golden ray of sunshine in amongst the cloud-filled sky.
why am i writing a blog? to show im not perfect. to show that there are experiences that i have everyday which remind me that im human. and to remind myself how lucky i am to be here; to have met the people i've met and to make the most of these 4 months and 2 days i have left in this unglaublich country.

Was ich heute geschrieben habe;
BEN- meiner lieb...
so- das ist schon Montag- erste Tad in der Schulwoche. Ich sitze gerade in Geschichte- schön oder?
Ich füllte kommisch. Ich weiß nicht. ... Ich vermisse dich. Ich vermisse meine Mama und mein Papa- sitzen und Fernsehen gucken, oder Abendessen mit meine Mama kochen.
Ich vermisse mein Ex-Freund- und alles was wir zusammen hätten...Aber dass dieser gefüll, dass er wirklich verliebt in mir warst.
Ich füllte so allein hier. Wirklich.
Ich hab dein BLOG gelesen. Und ich verstehe was du meinst. In Australien, ich war total anderes- LUSTIG, SELBSTSICHER- ich hätte keine Angst und hab alles gemacht. Ich hab viele Leute gekennt, aber echt FREUNDEN, nicht viel. Ich hab ein Austauschjahr gemacht, weil ich 'ICH' finden will. Aber das ist mehr komplizert, als ich gedacht habe. Ich bin verloren.
Das Beginnen von mein Austauschjahr- ich war so aufgeregt. Das war MEIN TRAUM. Und ich hab so viele Arbeitet zu dieses Jahr haben. Aber dann es war anderes, als was ich gedacht habe. Keine Freunden, weinig Deutsch, so viel Regln.Es war schiße.
Und jetzt, hab ich 4 Monaten- 2 Tagen mehr hier in Deutschland.
Ich hab ANGST. Was hab ich gemacht? Was wöllen meine Familie und Freunden denken, als ich zurück zu Hause bin?
Ich LIEBE Freiheit und ich will das hier haben.
Ich bin 19. FML.
...
Ich weiß nicht mehr was ich schreiben kann.
Schönen Tag noch.
BLEIB WIE DU BIST- ICH LIEBE DAS.
Immer Immer,
K
xxx